Giancarlo: Ciao, Emile! You're just in time to help set the dinner table. We've made everyone's favorite: spaghetti.
Emile: Sacre bleu! Not ze spaghetti again!
Gino: What's wrong with spaghetti?!?
Giancarlo: Spaghetti is good for you!
Angelo: You wouldn't be so small if you ate more spaghetti!
Emile: Non, mes amis, eet ees because I do not have ze delicious French food that I am wasting away! Why can we not have more of ze cuisine français in zis 'ousehold?
Giancarlo: Because French cooking is too fussy and complicated.
Emile: Zat ees where you are wrong. Come, let me show you.
Anthony: "Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child." I've seen her on TV. I think it was a program about making omelets for 300 people in 15 minutes, or something like that.*
*Season 1, episode 4. Original air date February 23, 1963
Emile: Now, look at zis recipe.
Anthony: 'Boeuf Bourguignon.' Hmm, actually that doesn't sound too difficult.
Emile: Not at all; even for ze non-Français
And so the boys get ready to cook. However, complications soon arise...
Anthony: Uh-oh. The recipe calls for bacon. We forgot to get that at the supermarket.
Gino: I found this in the pantry. What do you think?
Emile: Imeetation bacon bits?! Madame Child would turn over in 'er grave, that ees what I think. Non, non, non. I will return to ze store for ze bacon while the rest of you continue with ze preparations. Tsk-tsk!
Giancarlo: We have another problem. I checked in the basement and we don't have any French red wines.
Anthony: Oh dear. I knew this was going to be more complicated than we thought.
Gino: Aren't we a little young to be drinking wine anyway?
Anthony: It's fine. The alcohol all burns off during cooking, but how are we going to solve this problem?
Angelo: Well, the recipe does say that you can use Chianti, and we have lots of that*.
Giancarlo: Ha-ha! That's Italian wine! Emile would never go for that!
Anthony: Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him...
*Daddy Steve's favorite wine with pizza
Quite a while later...
Emile: I think eet ees ready to come out of ze oven.
Louisette: Oh mon petit lemon, eet smells magnifique! Just like maman used to make!
And after dinner...
Giancarlo: I must admit, that was delicious.
Emile: But of course, mon ami. Eet ees ze wonderful French wine zat ees ze secret ingredient!
Giancarlo: You know what, Emile? For once I agree with you! >hee-hee<