Highland Horror!

 

Duncan: Logan? Logan, are you awake?

Logan: >grumble, grumble< I am now.

Duncan: I'm worried!

Logan: >Sigh< What else is new?

Logan: Okay, tell me all about it.

Duncan: It's Daddy John.  He's going to visit Loch Ness while he's in Scotland.

Logan: Yeah, so?

Duncan: What if he runs into those aliens?

Logan: What aliens?

Duncan: You know, the shape shifting aliens from the TV documentary we watched.

They live under Loch Ness and control the monster.  They can change into people.

What if they capture Daddy John and assume his identity?!?

Logan: What?!? Wait a minute...you goof; that wasn't a documentary.

That was an episode of Doctor Who!  There are no aliens and no monster!

Duncan: But we don't know that for sure.  What if it's true?

Logan: I'll tell you what; as soon as Daddy John gets home, 

we'll make him open his mouth real wide.

If a tentacle shoots out, then we'll know he's an alien doppelganger.

Duncan: Then what?

Logan: We'll send Uli after him with her rolling pin.

No alien stands a chance against her.

Logan: Now, feel better?

Duncan: >Sigh< I guess so...

Logan: Good.  Let's get some sleep.

>To himself< Jeepers, you're more exhausting than Holly Belle.

Alien: Hsssssssssss!

Duncan: Eeeep!

Cracked

 

Pamela: Uli, did you need us to go grocery shopping for you?

Uli: Nein.  Luke und Oliver asked if they could help, so I haff sent them.

Harriet: Uh, was that a good idea?

Uli: >Sigh< Probably not.

Meanwhile, at Target...

Luke: Uli's gonna be really impressed when she hears about the great idea we had.

Oliver: Yeah, we're saving lots of money!

Luke: Which means one thing...

Oliver: Let's go check out the Hot Wheels cars!

Uli: Ach du lieber, you are finally back!  I hope you are careful with the eggs.

They are like buying gold.  Vait...not another toy car!

Luke: We've got a surprise for you.

Oliver: We bought chocolate eggs!

Uli: VAS?!?!

Luke: They were much cheaper than regular eggs, 

and they have a ton of them in the store right now

Oliver: Plus, they don't break as easily.  

We dropped them a bunch of times and we didn't break a single one.

Luke: They have lots of chocolate rabbits, too, just in case you want to make hasenpfeffer.

Uli: You fools!  How do I bake a cake with chocolate eggs?!?!    

Oliver: Simple! Just make it a chocolate cake.

Luke: Yeah, isn't it obvious?

Uli: >Sigh...<

Gone To Seed

 

Lulu: Ma soeur! Springtime, she ees upon us!  We must order ze fleur seeds for ze garden.

Lulu et Lottie:  ♫ Printemps, printemps, la-de-da-de-da! ♫

Lottie: Let us recheck ze list.  Cosmos?

Lulu: Oui.

Lottie: Nasturtiums?

Lulu: Oui.

Lottie: Zinnias?

Lulu: Oui.

Emile: You silly girls are still wasting time on ze internet?

Lottie: >Boof<  Never mind, shorty.  We are busy planning our spring planting.

Lulu: We would plant you, but sadly you would not grow.

Emile: Zose two sisters of yours are always getting into ze trouble.

Louisette: Now Emile, zey are only ordering fleur seeds.  What 'arm can zere be in zat?

A few days later...

Giancarlo: Emile, there's a package at the door.  Could you please help me with it.

Emile: What ees wrong, mon ami?  'Ave your muscles turned into overcooked spaghetti?

Giancarlo: Just come help, wise guy.

Emile: Sacré bleu!  Ze could plant all of Nouvelle-Aquitane!

Emile: Je le savais! I just knew zose two would cause trouble.

Giancarlo: Stop complaining and pick up your end!

Trip Advisor

Daddy John is headed to Scotland at the end of the month, so Pete Dakota has taken it upon himself to research the bonny land so Daddy John doesn't stick out.

First, you must dress like a native.

Pete Dakota: Ach, hoots mon.

Then you participate in the customs...

Pete: Don't knock the Fling until you've flung!

And sample the local cuisine.

Pete: Haggis is....WHAT?!?!

Uli: Ja.

Pete: Um, I think I'll stick to a pb&j sandwich.

Uli: Ja, is probably for best.

Finally, you read up on the native flora and fauna.

Pete: Whooooaaaa!

Pete: Alba gu bràth!