Mastering the Art of French Cooking

Giancarlo: Ciao, Emile!  You're just in time to help set the dinner table.  We've made everyone's favorite: spaghetti.

Emile: Sacre bleu! Not ze spaghetti again!

>collective gasp<

Gino: What's wrong with spaghetti?!?

Giancarlo: Spaghetti is good for you!

Angelo: You wouldn't be so small if you ate more spaghetti!

Emile: Non, mes amis, eet ees because I do not have ze delicious French food that I am wasting away!  Why can we not have more of ze cuisine français in zis 'ousehold?

Giancarlo: Because French cooking is too fussy and complicated.

Emile: Zat ees where you are wrong.  Come, let me show you.

Anthony: "Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child."  I've seen her on TV.  I think it was a program about making omelets for 300 people in 15 minutes, or something like that.*

*Season 1, episode 4.  Original air date February 23, 1963

Emile: Now, look at zis recipe.

Anthony: 'Boeuf Bourguignon.'  Hmm, actually that doesn't sound too difficult.

Emile: Not at all; even for ze non-Français

Giancarlo: Hmmmf.

And so the boys get ready to cook.  However, complications soon arise...

Anthony: Uh-oh.  The recipe calls for bacon.  We forgot to get that at the supermarket.

Gino: I found this in the pantry.  What do you think?

Emile: Imeetation bacon bits?! Madame Child would turn over in 'er grave, that ees what I think.  Non, non, non.  I will return to ze store for ze bacon while the rest of you continue with ze preparations.  Tsk-tsk!

Giancarlo: We have another problem.  I checked in the basement and we don't have any French red wines.

Anthony: Oh dear.  I knew this was going to be more complicated than we thought.

Gino: Aren't we a little young to be drinking wine anyway?

Anthony: It's fine.  The alcohol all burns off during cooking, but how are we going to solve this problem?

Angelo: Well, the recipe does say that you can use Chianti, and we have lots of that*.

Giancarlo: Ha-ha!  That's Italian wine!  Emile would never go for that!

Anthony: Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him...

*Daddy Steve's favorite wine with pizza

Quite a while later...

Emile: I think eet ees ready to come out of ze oven.

Louisette: Oh mon petit lemon, eet smells magnifique!  Just like maman used to make!

And after dinner...

Giancarlo: I must admit, that was delicious.

Emile: But of course, mon ami.  Eet ees ze wonderful French wine zat ees ze secret ingredient!

Giancarlo: You know what, Emile? For once I agree with you! >hee-hee<