Saturday, May 25, 2024

Hide the Donut


Sally: Ready for our shopping trip?  I feel the need for some 'retail therapy.'
Farrah: We're just waiting for Wendy.  She said she would be here in a tick.

Nanny Wendy: Okay, I'm ready to go.  
Uli is going to take care of baby Conner for me.
Farrah: And who got stuck watching the two little monsters?

Nanny Wendy: Now, now...Mikey and Albert are under the care of Frank and Natalie.
Sally: Frank and Natalie?!?  How are those two qualified to watch after toddlers?
Nanny Wendy: They're qualified because they volunteered.
Farrah: Volunteered?!?
Nanny Wendy: Well, a small bribe may have been involved.
Now, come on, let's leave while peace and quiet prevail.

Frank: Okay you two rugrats, we're gonna play a really fun game.
Isn't that right, Natalie?
Natalie: The absolute funnest!  It's called 'Hide the Donut.'

Frank: You guys are going to run all around the house for five, ten minutes...
Natalie: A really long time.
Frank: Yeah, a really long time, and while you're running, we'll hide the donuts.
Then, when you're done, you'll look for the donuts, and eat all the ones you find.
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Mikey and Albert: EEEEYYYYAAAA!!!!

Natalie: Okay, you get the milk.

Carolyn: Hmm, you two think you're pretty clever.
I believe those donuts were meant to be shared.
Frank: Well, the trouble with sharing is that when taken to an extreme,
nobody ends up with anything.
Natalie: Yes, this is a much better arrangement.
They're happy, we're happy.  It's a win-win.

Carolyn: And what happens when they realize the donuts are all gone?
Frank: Donuts?  What donuts?
Natalie: That's the great thing about toddlers.
They have extremely short attention spans.

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Apollo's Garden

 Daddy John:  It's a beautiful day in Gregoropolis, so the boys have bolted for the backyard to seek out fun and adventure...

Stephen Orange: Why is there a statue of a pig in the garden?
Philip Guy: I believe Daddy John calls him 'Wilbur.'
Legend has it if you rub Wilbur's snout, you'll have fun all day long!
Go on, give his snout a good rub.
Stephen Orange: I'm wearing the 'fun' shorts.  Isn't that enough?
Philip: No. It is not.  

Stephen Orange: >Sigh<
Philip: Good job!
Stephen Orange: Well?  Are we having fun yet?
Philip: We are indeed.  Race you!
Stephen Orange: ...
Stephen Orange: Okay

Daddy John: Now, what are the other two up to? I don't see -- oh, dear...

Scot-Michael: C'mon, Pete!  We're almost at the top!

Pete Dakota: >Puff, puff<  
It's like climbing the Eiffel Tower.

Scot-Michael: I bet we can see the whole neighborhood from up here!

Nicholas Sahara: 'Garden of Apollo.'  Now this sounds smashing.
Let's take a turn about the place.
Kirwan Mahoney: Ugh, sounds boring.  You go ahead; 
I'm going to see what the others are doing.

Nicholas: Well now, this must be the man himself.
Hullo, mate.  Lovely garden you have here.


Nicholas: Aaaahhh!  He talks!
How do you know my name?!?!
Apollo: I AM APOLLO!
Nicholas: Great Richard the III's Ghost!
Apollo: AND I DECREEE---Hee-hee-hee
Nicholas: What on earth?

Kirwan: Hee-hee!  Gotcha!
Nicholas: Ooh, he's taking the mickey.  Well played, old man!

Saturday, May 11, 2024

The Recycling Police


Barbara: We're almost done cleaning the kitchen.  Just a few things in the sink to wash up.
Beatrix: Good thing, too.  We wouldn't want to get on Uli's bad side!
Both: Ha-ha-ha!

Barbara: I can never remember if these containers are recyclable.
Beatrix: Hmm, it has a '2' on it.  Aren't items marked '2' through '4' okay?
Barbara: I thought it was everything except 2 through 4.

Beatrix: Didn't we get some kind of informational pamphlet 
in the mail about recycling?
Barbara: Yeah...but I think we recycled it!

Both: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Beatrix: Oh, just throw it in.  
If we're wrong, it's not like the recycling police are going to show up at our door.
Barbara: "Ma'am, we've traced an empty yogurt tub back to this residence."

Both: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Kevin: Hey, there are two stern looking guys in dark suits and sunglasses at the door.
They want to speak to the person in charge of recycling.

Barbara: Um, that would be you.
Kevin: ME?!?!?!
Beatrix: Yep, definitely you.  It was nice knowing you, brother.

Saturday, May 4, 2024

The Eternal Question

Kirwan Mahoney: >Sigh<
Kirwan: There's nothing to eat in this house.
Scot-Michael: Oooh, don't let Uli hear you say that.
Nicholas Sahara: You were at the greengrocers not an hour ago.

Kirwan: Feh!
Nicholas: Now, now, romaine calm.
Scot-Michael:...Did you...did you just make a food pun?
Nicholas: Why, I do believe I did!
Scot-Michael: Well done!  Lettuce leave him alone to stew in his thoughts.
Nicholas: Ooh!  Nice.  Who's a clever lad, then?
Kirwan: ARGH!

Stephen Orange: I could hear your moaning from the other side of the house.
Now listen up. If you wanted something specific--
Kirwan: --But--
Stephen Orange: --You should have said.  As I recall, 
you spent the entire time at the grocery store complaining.

Kirwan: Why are we here?  I wanna go home.
There's a Real Housewives of Sasha Village marathon on tv right now.
Stephen Orange: Give me strength.

Kirwan: Bah.  >Sigh<  Why is there never anything to eat?

Saturday, April 27, 2024

Guitar Heroes

 Daddy Steve:  Did you know that April is International Guitar Month?  

Thanks to Minnesota Public Radio, we do now!  In honor of the occasion, Bowie and Sebastian decided to have a jam session.

Bowie: Got your pick ready?
Sebastian: I prefer to strum with my fingers.

These boys have very different styles when it comes to the old axe.

Sebastian: I'm a little bit country,
Bowie: And I'm a little bit rock and roll.

Sebastian: I'm a little bit of Memphis and Nashville,
Bowie: With a little bit of Motown in my soul.

Sebastian: I don't know if it's good or bad,
Bowie: But I know I love it so!

Sebastian: I'm a little bit country,
Bowie: And I'm a little bit rock n' roll.

Bowie: Not bad! I think someone should write that down.
Sebastian: I think maybe they already have, Donny.

And not to be outdone...

Rolf: Vell, I'm little bit Polka!

Acknowledgements to Marty Cooper and Donny & Marie Osmond
Florian Chmielewski, RIP


Saturday, April 20, 2024

Squirrel Surrender

 Daddy Steve: Regular readers may remember the problems we have had in past years with squirrels eating the flowers on our Magnolia tree.  The moment they began to open up, the blossoms were savagely attacked by these marauding, bush-tailed rodents.  We tried everything to thwart them--netting, sprays, etc.--all to no avail.

Emile: Quelle tragique!
Louisette: Oui, mon petit lemon.

This year, for reasons as yet unexplained, it has not happened.  So far, knock on wood, the tree has remained completely undisturbed...

Naturally, we're delighted by this turn of events; particularly Giancarlo.

Giancarlo: It's a miracle!
Marta: But these are modern times; there are no more miracles.
Giancarlo: I guess it ain't modern times in Gregoropolis!

However, it has led to a lot of very intense speculation among the kids as to what could have caused this change.

Holly Belle: I think the previous vandalism was all the work of one demented squirrel.
Meghan: Yeah, and he just didn't survive past the winter.
Holly Belle: Life is good when you can outlast your enemies.

Luke: Or maybe he got stuck in squirrel prison.
Oliver: There's such a thing as squirrel prison?
Luke: Oh, sure.  Where do you think all the criminal squirrels go?
Oliver: I always thought they got banished to a squirrel Phantom Zone.
Luke: That would only be for extreme cases; not like just stealing someone's nuts.

Holly Belle: Oh good grief, this conversation is becoming ridiculous!
Nathan: I'm afraid that for once I have to agree with Holly Belle.
It's completely absurd.
Holly Belle: See, even Nathan can see that I'm right.

Holly Belle: Wait, what you mean 'for once' you have to agree with me?!?
Nathan: What do you mean by 'even Nathan can see I'm right'?

Saturday, April 13, 2024

List Maker


Daphne: Dan Ryan, it looks like you're deep in thought.
Dan Ryan: I'm making a list of all the things I want to accomplish this summer.
The first step in any project is to always make a list.

Daphne: Wow, that's quite a list.  You're going to need a very long summer.

Dan Ryan: That's why the second step is to stick it someplace 
where I'll forget all about it.  Like right here.

Daphne: Hmm, I think I know where this is going.  I suppose the final step
is to celebrate your accomplishment with tea and a donut.
Dan Ryan: How did you guess?!?

Daphne: You know, eventually summer will come to an end, and then you'll panic
when you realize that never did any of that stuff on your list.
Dan Ryan: Yeah, but that's ages away.